Seeing A Bigger Picture

Jewel ZymurgyMotherhood, TrialsLeave a Comment

I feel like I need to bring you through a snapshot of the last few days in order to get the bigger picture of my insights and ponderings.

Friday was an early day for me. I go into work super early so every other week I can attend a women’s missional community that the pastor’s wife leads at the church I go to (and love with all my heart). When the time came to go to the women’s group, I was eager to head to worship and learn and be around other women who love Jesus immensely…a beautiful interruption during my work day!

It was all that I hoped for and more as we had fellowship over breakfast (though for me it was lunch! Lol!), sang songs to a loving God and got to look at one way that the woman who leads the group moves through scripture. It was wonderful as it drew me to God’s Word and moved me to a place of looking forward with excitement and anticipation to the next time I got to spend with Him in it.

It makes me laugh as I write those words because the love and hope-filled expectation of what God has for me when I open His Love Letter to me—has only been sparked and fanned and supported in this super tangible and radical way as I learned to trust Him more…and that my friends, feels so incredibly recent to me.

Anyway, I left this woman’s house with a full heart—feeling super charged for time with God. In anticipation for the weekend because I was going to be taking a solo road trip north (from Anchorage to Fairbanks) so that I could watch my daughter compete in a JROTC competition on Saturday.

After I got off work, I got to meet up with another wonder-filled woman whose love and joy in the presence of the Father seems to pour out of her and bathe the people around her. She helped me to see some things about myself that were challenging but good. Then helped me to have a practical plan on how to take care of myself in a challenging emotional space that I knew was coming up for me. So to say the least, I walked away from that time again feeling the magnificent presence of my Father God!

I left for Fairbanks late in the afternoon. Pulled over several hours later to rest and slept a little longer in the car than I hoped but continued on to Fairbanks.

The day of the competition came and I got to see my girl compete on all the teams she is a part of and in the afternoon I grabbed food, fueled up and got ready to make the trip back to Anchorage.

Shortly after I got outside of Fairbanks it began to snow. It was snowing hard—super hard! I was a little nervous as I traveled so I turned on an audio of a service from the church I attend…my heart and mind were ushered into the sweet place of worship…and all seemed so, so good.

I stopped again along the side of the road, because with the darkness and the weather, I was being lulled to sleep. The large snowflakes flying by me looked like I was in an episode of Star Trek as they flew at warp speed through space!

As I woke a few hours later I was shocked to see how many inches of snow had fallen. The depth was almost to the bottom of my door as I swung it open to stretch my legs. AND snow was still coming down hard! The adrenaline was running now as I was driving solo and was nervous about getting stuck. I turned on my phone to try and get confirmation of direction and I had no coverage, no GPS. I pulled out and began driving. The roads were terrible.

For two hours I drove. No signal, for phone or GPS. It was still snowing hard…I couldn’t see mile markers and though there were pullouts, when I tried to pull into them, I lost traction and/or got stuck.

At about the two hours I finally saw a road sign that had cities and distance listed on them…the sign read “Cantwell” and “Fairbanks”! I was completely appalled that I had been driving 2 hours in a snow storm—THE WRONG WAY!!! Grrrrrrrr!!!!!

Sunday, it was such a long trek back to Anchorage. Driving conditions were really bad until about Willow. There was so much that went into all of that but suffice to say, I was thankful to make it back to Anchorage, though very frustrated and I felt emotionally spent.

When I picked up Anna, because she rode with the rest of her team, she had a sinus infection that had given her headaches. I took action on setting her up to heal… and missed going to church.

Though I didn’t do very much over the weekend (it was up to Fairbanks and back) it was pretty draining for me.

Monday came along and I got a migraine at work. I kept dismissing the symptoms and before I realized it, I was searching intensely for some Imitrex to alleviate my pain. The migraine effectively incapacitated me for a bit. I took lunch and just wrapped my scarf around my eyes and slept in my car.

When I got home, after work, my girl was still sick and I was still trying to make the pain in my head go away. I took care of her, got her soup, water, vitamins and sinus meds and she laid down again. I felt exhausted, so I laid next to her on the bed.

Fast forward to Tuesday. I got a phone call from the Disciplinary Principal at my daughters school…about some behavior exhibited on the trip… All I could think was, “good Lord! Satan is having a field day!” From the driving on Saturday, which continued to Sunday—then to the sickness my daughter felt—then to my migraine and my girl not even getting out of bed for more than a day—to this principal calling…I was beginning to feel defeated. There was a prayer meeting scheduled for the blog…I thought that I should miss that too and deal with this thing with my daughter.

At that thought, I just broke down.

I don’t do this much…but I fell to my knees…I cried into the blankets on my bed and I just asked God for help. That I didn’t even know what to do. All I wanted was to draw close to Him and for my girl to do the same—but I missed being with my community on Sunday…there was too much to take care of and address…I am overwhelmed and feeling so incompetent. Am I to miss this time with these ladies, as well! God help me… All I did was cry even harder.

I wish that I could say that I heard His comfort and his love, but I was so emotionally overwhelmed that I didn’t hear a thing. I think I was too busy trying to cry quietly. In the end, I did exactly what I told my friend I would do…go to the meeting because she was expecting me and the lovely lady hosting the meeting was expecting me also.

It was perfect. It was just what I needed to finally re-align myself to focusing on my Father God…oh how I needed these ladies…this community. I needed their hugs and excitement to see me…I needed their words of encouragement as I felt that I was going to buckle under the heaviness of the last few days…I needed to hear their heart for Our Father in love, praise and need…I needed them to take my eyes away from myself and my own situation and to help me place them where they needed to be…on God alone.

Thank you my ACWM ladies…thank you for helping me put my eyes back on Jesus!

My beautiful loving Father. I thank you for the love you shower on me. Through the women’s community on Friday—through the time with a loving friend who helps me to lead a healthier life—through worship and songs as I drove to the competition later that night and on Saturday morning—through the joy of watching my girl and her teammates—through the beauty and quietness of the majesty of Your creation—through your protection as I drove in the snow storm—through the words and prayers of my dear friends—through the beauty of the way I got to take care of my girl—through the amazing and vulnerable conversation that my child and I got to have because of being caught making detrimental choices—and through the loveliness of the being around these funny, God-loving, God-fearing women at the ACWM meeting…I am truly showered by your love and blessing! I thank you for the challenges my LORD because through those things that bring me to my knees, I know that I am wholly inadequate and see my desperate need of you. I love you deeply, my Love, my God…

Oh so Joyfully His,

Jewel


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About Jewel Zymurgy

I’m a mom and a blogger. I grew up in church but my family didn’t live a Christian life. It wasn’t until 5 years ago that I opened a Bible to read it for myself. Now that I know Jesus personally, I am trying to become the woman He wants me to be. I hope my blogs inspire women to love God.

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