I’m writing this post from my phone once again, because I’m just too tired to make my way down to the basement to get the lap top. The baby is sick again, so my mind and my body are exhausted.
Its one of those times where she just wants momma…
…and my name is momma.
She won’t let anyone else look at her, or talk to her, she wont let them touch her, or try to help her, all she wants is momma. She accidentally shut herself in the bathroom in the dark the other day, and when her sister tried to help her, she said “No! Momma!” Then closed the door and retreated back into the dark bathroom. She only wants momma so much so, she was upset by a picture of her daddy holding her LAST YEAR… because “NO! MOMMA!!!” …and my name is momma.
I didn’t even plan to publish anything new this week, because she’s hardly let me put her down, but as I sit here listening to the sound of the fan above the stove, and the neighbors children kick the walls, I realize that maybe pouring my heart out, will encouraging someone else who’s having a hard day too, because their name is momma.
Maybe you’ve spend your day doing negotiating with the terrorists that share your last name. Or maybe you’ve cleaned up another diaper blowout without help. Maybe someone got hurt, or gave themselves their first at home hair cut, and you feel like everything about today (or this season of life) has been an epic fail. Maybe there was too much yelling, and not enough I love you’s, or games of “hide and go seek” just so you could have a minute to gather your thoughts and eat cold food off of their plates. Maybe they’ve wrecked the car, or needed help starting and finishing a project that’s due in less than 12 hours. Maybe your children are grown but need help with a broken relationship, or messy finances and they have no where else to turn. Does any of this sound familiar to you? You’re in good company little lady, sometimes it’s really hard, when your name is momma.
Today was one of those days where my sick little sweetheart didn’t want up or down. No matter what I tried to do to comfort her was wrong. I tried to snuggle her, she didn’t want to snuggle. I tried to put her down, she didn’t want down. I tried her favorite blanket, she didn’t want the blanket, but she’s also didn’t want it set next to me, on the floor. She also didn’t want for her sisters to look at it, let alone touch it. The whole day was spent with this precious little girl screaming and crying until she threw up, and the only word she said was “momma!”
…my name is momma.
In the midst of my frustration and exhaustion, I have found my heart torn in many different directions. There’s a tiny part of me, that kind of misses being at work today, just because I could really use a little break with no one touching me, yet at the same time my heart aches to be home full time with my babies. I hate that I can’t just sit and snuggle them when they’re sick, without worrying about anywhere else I’m supposed to be. I’ve been catching barf with one hand, while responding to work texts with the other, and that’s pretty tricky, even for super momma.
Sometimes it’s hard, when your name is momma.
So many times, I pray for the day where I don’t have to worry about how I’m going to make ends meet, because the baby is sick again, and I’ve missed work without pay, for the bazillionth time. Then I find myself feeling guilty for looking forward to a moment without someone screaming “momma” while tugging at my clothes or trying to climb onto my lap while I’m on the toilet. Truly there are also times where I wonder what it’s like to go more than 24 hours without someone else’s snot all over me. Right now, I can’t even remember what that’s like, but all at the same time, I’m so very grateful for my babies, snot and all.
It’s just that sometimes, it’s hard when your name is momma.
You’re the keeper of all the things, and the best wiper they know. (Noses, hineys, counter tops, you’re the best at it momma.)
You’re their sounding board when life is confusing.
You’re their favorite hugger, and often the scary noise inspector.
You’re their chauffer, and food always tastes better off of your plate.
It’s beautifully difficult all bundled in one (or many) snotty nosed package.
That’s why sometimes it’s hard being a momma. There’s a lot expected from you, but those babies… they know you’re the best at it, so sometimes all they want is momma.
If you’re a stay at home momma, you have no break at all. No sick days, no lunch hours, nothing. If you’re a working momma, you miss so many things (including snot) and are in a constant struggle of where you have to be. You have to work to pay the bills, and sometimes employers are only so understanding when you have to be home with your family, but seriously, whatelse are you supposed to do when your kids are sick? If you’re an empty-nester momma, you just wish time could have slowed just a little bit, so you could hold that sick baby just one more time.
So today I’m going to try my best to take a deep breath and hold this sick baby close a little longer, because there’s no one else a sick kiddo wants except momma…
…and my name is momma.
“From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”
Psalms 61:2 NKJV
In His Love,