So many times I read and the words in the Bible and as I read my vivid imagination unfolds a story that touches my heart and emotions. The words speak to me in such a vibrant way that I know my heart is being pursued by the heart of my God—it becomes unquestionable.
For just one moment as I read about Abram my mind and perspective flooded with the understanding that I connected with the unspoken details of the story of Abram.
Genesis 12:1 “The LORD said to Abram: Leave your country, your family, and your relatives and go to the land that I will show you.”
Isn’t it true—?
When God wraps his heart around ours and we are wooed by the beauty of His incredible and unmatched love—we find ourselves wanting what God wants for the sheer hope that we get to have more of the glimpse of that unfathomable magnificence. Or…at least that’s my own personal hope and desire.
What I do know is that as God whispered his love for me and his desire to be with me it went against everything that I knew was true—against everything that I knew life to be. As time went by, those occasional whispers became themes that were spoken more frequently and I soon found that I was no longer satisfied with the apathetic existence that I was breathing.
My daughter was young at this time and I was just trying to live through the day. I realized that I didn’t want the life that I was “living” for my girl. My heart was pierced with such intense pain as I thought about the reality of the truth that I was teaching her…and as I thought more about the possibility of her life looking just like mine; it became too heavy of a burden to bear. I wanted something different for her.
Remembering this was the time when my story resonated so deeply with Abram’s.
God asked Abram to leave the land he had lived in all his life.
Not gonna lie, when I first thought about what it would look like to take steps on a different path—I was full of fear and doubt. I didn’t want to leave the only life that I had known…because it was familiar…because I knew the pain…and I knew the consequences. It was hard to want to leave—it felt like I was sprinting full speed into a brick wall. Preparing for the impact that would hurt beyond words and knock me on my rear.
I knew what I did every day was not good. Well…that’s not true…actually, I knew that every day was a series of bad choices. I knew that each day I continue living I was choosing between the lesser of two bad choices—and even then it was obscenely hard to leave the known for the unknown.
I felt that I understood the bigness of leaving everything that I knew as true—
I understood that life as I knew it would no longer be an option.
The people that I was around…
The places that had become familiar…
The things that made up my routine…
It was the most terrifying moment in my life thus far to leave behind everything that I knew—
At the same time it was such a strange feeling to be in the middle of fear that threatened to overwhelm my senses and know (in that place that you know what you know…) that it may seem like chaos and scary beyond belief—but that I also knew in the end it was going to be OK…
Life changed for my daughter and me.
Profoundly and thoroughly.
I do believe that God called me out of the life that I was living. He continues to change my thoughts, hopes, desires and beliefs—oh, wow…he continues to transform me.
Thank you, Father God, for the intimate conversations between just you and I that whispered to my heart that life needed to change. Thank you for transforming my heart and mind and for loving me to change.