A Letter to My Daughters

Carol DunfeeMotherhood1 Comment

Next week, several of us from ACWM will be teaching break-out sessions at the Fusion Alaska youth conference. One of my sessions will be about friendships…


In the past month, both of my daughters have invited their friends over for birthday parties. In the craziness of sugar, presents, and lots of girls, I enjoyed watching their friends. I observed how they treated each other, how they dealt with the less social girls, how they welcomed strangers, how they responded to adults.

It reminded me of the friends I had when I was their age. There were the cool kids who I admired and tried so hard to please…only to be heartbroken when I just wasn’t cool enough. Then there were the down-to-earth kids. They were the ones who kept my secrets, who taught me how to apologize when I was wrong, who helped me stretch my wings.

What do I want my daughters to know about THEIR friends?

Dear daughters,

I love you with all my heart. I want you to have a rewarding, fruitful life. From the moment you were born, you have been slowly walking away from dependence on your parents and towards dependence on God. We won’t always be there to protect you or guide you. In the blink of an eye, your friends will be more influential than we are.

So choose your friends wisely.

  • Choose friends with good hearts. Observe how they treat their friends. Are they kind? How do they handle the less popular kids? How they treat others is a good measure of their hearts. It doesn’t matter if they may be a little different…look past the exterior into their hearts. Those gems in the rough may be the best friends you ever find.
  • Choose friends who seek Jesus. This may not be the girl in your Sunday school class. It may not be the girl who knows all the answers to the Bible lessons. It MAY be the girl from a rough background who hangs on every word you say about your Savior. It MAY be the social reject whose love for Jesus makes trivial girl-culture seem unimportant to her. It WILL be the girl who prays with you when you are losing your way. It WILL be the girl who strengthens your faith and challenges you to be better.
  • Choose your friends for what you can give to them. Maybe you already have friends, but you see the new girl in the corner alone. Leave your comfort zone and make a new friend. She just might become your best friend ever. Befriend the girl who is having a rough time at home. Your friendship might be the bright spot in her life right now. Trust me. I’ve found more than one best friend/kindred spirit in these ways.
Your friends can be your biggest asset, but the wrong friends can lead you to heartache. Avoid those who will drag you down.
  • Do not seek popularity. It is fleeting. The things you will be tempted to do to become popular will hurt you in the long run.
  • Do not hang out with those who consistently make bad choices. You will find yourself following them down the wrong road.
  • Do not join with those who mock God or others. You will regret it.
  • Do not follow the advice of those who do not love your Savior. It will lead you in the wrong direction.
  • Do not continue friendships with those who drive a wedge between you and your family. Only God loves you more than we do.

Sweet girls, BE the kind of friend you want to have. BE the kind-hearted girl who looks out for her friends. BE the one who gently encourages your friends to do right. Look beyond the surface. Avoid close friendships with those who will hurt you and bring you down, but show kindness to all.

Stay close to Jesus. He is the BEST friend you will ever have.



“Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked,
Or stand around with sinners or join in with scoffers.
But they delight in doing everything the LORD wants;
Day and night they think about his law.
They are like trees planted along the riverbank,
Bearing fruit each season without fail.
Their leaves never wither,
And in all they do, they will prosper.
But this is not true of the wicked.
They are like worthless chaff, scattered by the wind.
They will be condemned at the time of judgment.
Sinners will have no place among the godly.
For the LORD watches over the path of the godly,
But the path of the wicked leads to destruction.”
–Psalm 1 (NLT)




About Carol Dunfee

Carol is a wife, mom, piano teacher, and blogger for Alaska Christian Women’s Ministry. Having grown up in church, life made her dissatisfied with empty religious traditions and trite answers. She discovered that Jesus alone is the way to real life and true contentment. Ever stumbling and learning herself, she invites her readers to experience God’s love and forgiveness like never before. Read more at CarolDunfee.com.

One Comment on “A Letter to My Daughters”

Leave a Reply