As I am writing this moment tears well up in my eyes.
I grew up in a manner that did not allow me to learn how to express my sadness or loss. Now as my child is hurting deeply from the death of a friend I feel like I finally have the room and the desire to open that door to letting God into that walled off place in my heart.
Just thinking about the pain that I see my daughter experience brings tears to my eyes readily and in the span of a moment my heart feels like it is one beat away from breaking.
This may be a naïve comment to make, but I never saw it coming. It took me by surprise. The loss that was so sudden and the way that it happened…took my breath away and sometimes I catch myself getting lost in the heartache of it all.
There are so many times when I have felt overwhelmed and scared and unsure of what to do. This is where I find myself again…though this time with a feeling of complete powerlessness as I see my daughter grieving daily the loss of her friend. Instead of feeling like I am being pummeled with massive blows to my heart and mind…I battle to keep my head above the water as the realizations of these life’s circumstances feel like a slow sinking into the muck and the mire of loss and grief.
I find myself asking the questions—How can God bring healing in the midst of loss? What about now? What happens now? How does good come out of the gaping wound that my daughter has? What can I do as her mother to help her to move through this period of pain…?
Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
I have no doubts in my mind whatsoever that God will bring healing as He is sought. I know that God is good—I don’t question that…it’s just so hard to see the deep sadness and the moments of acute pain…in my daughter…and to feel utterly powerless as the pain seems so intense and never seems to offer reprieve.
Isaiah 40:31 “But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”
—God, help me to guide my girl to your joy as there are so many struggles with the shattered remnants of the aftermath of such a young death. I know that life can be immensely painful, though I know through all of it you have the ability to work mightily in our lives and this situation is no different. God help me to seek your heart through all of the strong emotions that are wrapped up in this loss…and Father God, help me to guide the light of my life and your precious girl through this and to you.