The other day my daughter and I watched an older TV show when God threw in something that was unexpected and helped me get out of a negative mental funk that I was struggling with for a bit. I wanted to have a nice quiet night with my girl—watching a show that she enjoyed and sipping on some ice cold homemade limeade…what I was given was exceedingly more as I gained insight into my heart by a loving God that is constantly pursuing me!
I don’t know if the reason why that episode struck a chord in my heart was because I was had heard a moving message earlier, if it was because it was the end of a long weekend of incredible insight or if it was because I have been wrestling with some pretty significant core beliefs as of late…but the episode made my heart break and release a torrent of tears that had my daughter thinking that we should probably turn of the show…which I whole heartedly agreed. However, not for any other reason than to share with her what moved my heart in that moment.
The truth is that my mind and heart had been swimming in a vat of shame soup because of a discussion that I had a couple of days prior. The shame seemed to permeate every discussion I had and taint almost every comment I made. One sad thing was that I knew it was wrong to play over and over again the interaction and the way I responded because I know it does nothing to dwell on poor past decisions…especially if the reason why I was looking at it wasn’t to grow. That way of thinking was an almost unconscious pattern that I thought I had given up long ago. As a result, I was just having a terrible time holding on to what I knew to be true and at the same time that way of thinking was making me feel absolutely worn out.
The moment when God broke through my wall of negativity (which at the time I was doing a darn good job at mentally beating myself up) was in a scene of the show that one of the characters showed deep honor for those whom she called friends, and gave up her life for theirs. Immediately, tears welled up in my eyes and began to fall. I was trying to quiet my sobbing as I realized in an unmistakable way that her actions paralleled the gospel and with the thought of Jesus dying for me on my heart, I let the tears fall. This character was one that I could thoroughly identify with, while she was human and flawed—her heart was one that loved and honored those who surrounded her. I was overcome with gratitude for a passionate and loving God who is always pursuing me!
It was a loving reminder of how deeply I am loved.
Zephaniah 3:17 – The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.
It was a loving reminder of how much I am cherished.
Psalm 139:17-18 “How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!”
It was a loving reminder of the sacrifice made for me by the Son of the God of the Universe, a holy and righteous member of the God-head…an incredible surrendering and a willful choice to pay the price that I could never pay back to be in the presence of a holy and just and deeply loving God.
Romans 8:37-39 – No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I am moved to tears.