I want to be in love. More specifically—I want to have the relationship with God, in a deeper capacity than the way that I feel when I intensely and genuinely love another.
I know what its like to deeply desire to be in connection with someone. I love to be with and around people who look like Jesus to me, so I search for and intentionally look for time with them. In regard to those beautiful souls—I know what its like to go to great lengths to be with the one my heart longs for…I have gotten weird looks and rolled eyes as I drive long distances to be with someone just to spend a shorter time together than the time it took me to get there. I look forward to the times that I get to stay up late to talk. I look forward to the times I get to spend any time—while they are shopping, while they’re walking their dog, while they prep dinner…in the sunshine, in the rain, in the coldness of the winter day, in the warmth of their home or a coffee shop. I love and look forward to our time together.
I have incredible friends around me that I can say are beautifully and desperately in love with Jesus. The thought of spending time with their love and life brings a joy that overflows and pours out of them in such an mind-blowing way that I cant help but bask in the warmth and anticipation with them. It looks and feels like a this crazy huge phenomenal love.
I look at them and I long to have that kind of deeply profound love with my Lord…I want to know what it is to whisper intimate thoughts and to giggle and share in the funny and cute things that make me smile at being seen. I want to be constantly aware of and filled with God’s love—the thought of that makes my heart pound loudly and pastes a smile that spreads across my entire face! To just think of His love…a love that is so much greater that anything I can bring…I’m speechless…
My heart resonates with David’s as he wrote:
Psalm 63:1-6 “O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life so my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed and meditate on you in the watches of the night;”
I have been given glimpses of this life changing love and I want it to touch every part of my being…at every moment of my day. My heart longs to walk and wait and find joy and peace in you—I long to see you and need you and want you more desperately than I search for moments with others…I don’t want to be satisfied by hearing a podcast or reading about someone else’s experience with you. I don’t want to settle for getting the autograph of my favorite preacher when I can be on a mountain top with you.
God help me to grow ever closer to you. May the blessing and presence of your goodness be a constant and total marination of my whole being—mind, body and soul. I thank you deeply for the many miracles and beautiful times I have been truly blessed with—in my desire and recognition and gratitude…I ask for more.