One aspect of the beauty of the people that God has blessed me with in my life is that they are so incredibly loving and so very willing to press into the thorny issues in my life that help me to grow. The amazing thing is that as they pursue me into those tough places-they journey with me through them-what an exceptional gift.
This last week I was talking to one of those beautifully challenging, oh-so-unbelievably loving friends and she touched on one of those areas that was tainted by the wounding in my past. She noticed my verbal flinch at the topic and because God made her observant and has healed her so much in her journey that she is willing to walk in the uncomfortable-she pressed into that tender topic.
So, I whispered “God help me” and opened my mouth to share a pain-filled memory that was in that “do not disturb” area in my mind and memories.
As I spoke I remembered and felt all the emotions that was tied to that situation and realized as I finished sharing the incident-I recognized in my own mind, the beauty of the woman who sat so near to me-I couldn’t bring myself to unlock my eyes from the ground as I was filled with feelings of unworthiness…of being contaminated…of shame.
There was a deafening pause…
I couldn’t get anything into or out of my mind-it was as if there was an barrier that stopped everything that wanted to enter except for the poison I was already thinking, believing and feeling.
In my mind the waves of shame and doubt were crashing over me and continually mocked me as I struggled to just come to the surface and breathe. It felt like it was all too much-I was being carried out to a foreboding sea of darkness that terrified me to look at.
I felt I was losing the battle in my mind I opened my mouth to pray but my words threatened to reflect my fear and turmoil. I was fighting in vain, to stop my frustrated tears from falling.
The silence of the pause was so loud it pounded in my ears. I wanted to look up-but my shame kept my eyes glued to the floor. As God knew and heard my internal struggle-His words filled the air and she echoed verses and words given to us through his Word. Her voice broken with the ache in her that valued me as a sister in Christ, touched that pain-filled part of me. I glanced at her face and saw tears that honored me as they flowed down her face as her presence was a tangible reminder that she wasn’t going anywhere–she sure looked like Jesus to me. I couldn’t wipe away my tears fast enough as her anointed words flowed over me and soothed my burning wounds with truth.
She reminded me who I am-reminding me whose I am-reminding me of the true things.
I am chosen.
John 15:16 “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.
I am loved.
1 John 4:9-10 “In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”
I am never alone.
Romans 8:38-39 “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
I will never be forsaken.
Psalms 9:10 “And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.”
My father delights in me.
Psalms 147:11 “The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love.”
As she spoke God blessed me with peace as He painted a picture of me in my minds-eye that came alive as she continued to repeat His Word. I saw myself in white-no longer unclean. Laying with my knees pulled in…not in fear or cold or shame…in contentment. The look on my face was a joyful and peace-filled smile…totally at ease. I was in His hands…He was holding me as if I was weightless…it was amazing! Perfectly content in the hands of my Father God. What an awesome image!
I love the blessing of gifts given!