I found myself in an interesting predicament this last week as I was challenged in some thinking that was deeply ingrained. It was deep-rooted in such a way it seemed pretty ridiculous as I hear my beliefs pour out of my mouth. Though it was interesting to realize that at the core of me, I sometimes believe those things that I know in my head are wrong.
I suppose that must sound like a load of crazy and believe me I totally get that—I guess what it comes down to is that sometimes (probably more often than I realize…since this situation caught me off guard as I spoke it) my thinking and believing are a complete contrast to each other.
Not too long ago was when I began to even look at and question the reasons why I did the things and the actions that I chose. Things as simple as the process by which I cooked a dish to traditions to individual beliefs that I live by daily—seeing that in these things I have accepted as normal and right, when the better thing to do for myself would be to ask the question “why”.
To ask why has been such an interesting quest for me. I lived most of my life knowing that it was neither healthy or good for me to ask the question why. I grew up in extremely abusive households and the very act of posing a question would, in all honesty, be viewed as an attack on authority and I would have to reap consequences too big in my mind to rationalize asking the question of “why”—so I learned to not question those who were in authority over me.
Her question opened up a waterfall of questions that stunned me as they flew past at incredible speeds.
This person is just a person… People are flawed and sinful…
Just like me, each person sees the situations around them through their own filters of wounding and beliefs…
What in my mind made the things that this person said more valid than the things that I think and feel…?
Some of what I thought could really be tainted by my upbringing—though ultimately the question of who is in authority over me really only comes from one place and one being—
Isaiah 40:23 “who brings princes to nothing, and makes the rulers of the earth as emptiness”
It is the power of God that can bring the power and rule of the leaders of the world to nothing…people have authority because God has given it. God has the ultimate authority. I keep giving it to the people who I perceive as being better than me in one way or another—and in doing this I realized I was giving away my power to choose the path of peace and instead I looked to embrace the anxiousness.
It isn’t by my own strength or the intellect of others that I need to press into and find rest in…its in the peace that is offered by God himself.
In my will—I fall…
In my mind—there is restlessness…
In my strength—there is pain for me and for others…
When I seek and know and believe that God has me—its there where I find the freedom and life that I hope for.
What an intriguing question for me to ponder—my beliefs and really my core thinking on authority. I was gifted with insight from some of the beautiful ladies that are around me which helped me to get on the right path. So thankful for the people I can press into and be both loved well and pointed to Jesus!
God help me to be willing to ask myself the hard questions and to see with your eyes the truth of what I believe. Give me an open heart and mind to turn away from being tainted by my own wounding and wrong thinking. Thank you, Father God for pursuing me and helping me see and recognize your loving and peace bringing Spirit. Help me today to choose you first.