The challenge of having a correct perspective has been incredibly difficult for many different reasons and by far the hardest path I’ve had to travel is the path of that I never traveled down.
Do you know by looking at me that many days it is such an effort to look you in the eye and smile? The far majority of the people in my life daily and weekly would say no. Sometimes making the incredible effort for most of my interactions to act as if that there is nothing of consequence going on in my life is so outrageously draining that I have spent all of what little energy I do have on looking normal to people who don’t even know me. What a strange predicament-what an odd idea to want to appear to have it all together-what an utter fail to attain that lofty goal of “perfectly normal”.
Being a single mom I also feel that I have to do this to a large degree with my daughter. Many things I think about and struggle with are not things I would ever choose to burden her with anyway so it’s honestly not that hard to keep that continual struggling part of me away from her. There is so much going on in the life of my teenager on a daily basis that the bulk of our conversations revolve around school; her friends, her subjects at school, the extracurricular activities she is in and the schedule for the next couple of days. Thankfully the business of her life in general gives us much to do and many opportunities to have “teaching moments” throughout our time together.
With my mornings starting at 4 and my evenings ending around the time when my daughter goes to bed I usually end up with about 4 to 5 hours of sleep. I find that there is so much busyness, distraction and energy exerted to staying upbeat in my life that the desire for rest is becoming more and more appealing to me.
So it struck me as incredibly ironic that one of the daily devotions that I read popped up with the heading “Your ‘Work’ Is To Enter His Rest”
Hebrews 4:10-11a “for whoever has entered God’s rest has also rested from his works as God did from his. Let us therefore strive to enter that rest…”
It spoke to me as I read that as a baby learns to sit before they stand or walk. There is a very real time of resting and knowing they are secure as they sit up tall in the presence of their parents. Eventually, the child will walk and run-though first is the resting and being a baby…being taken care of, loved on, fed and nurtured.
Today I feel drained, I feel tired and I feel spent. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt reprieve -instead my priority has become surviving the day-I’ve forgotten what it means to rest. I find myself continually stuck in the thought that I didn’t do enough-not enough laundry, cleaning, cooking of course…though also on a deeper level-relationally, mentally, emotionally and spiritually…
I look over my day and see work and struggle and striving…effort in all things that I can do.
God help me, I need to know what it looks like to rest. Help me daily to trust only you with my day and believe your grace for me will be enough. God give me the courage to take the steps forward when your Spirit prompts me and to know that you’ve got me when I feel like I’m flailing. Help me in those daunting moments to remember to rest in you, Father God. To rest in my heart, in my head and in my spirit-and just cling to you as a child clings to their mother. God help me to find rest in you first and may the overflow of my rest in you be an outpouring of blessing to those around me.