I had grown up in church. I had read the Bible several times. I had attended numerous Bible studies. I knew God had forgiven my sins and adopted me into his family, but I felt like the red-headed stepchild. I didn’t have it “all together” like those around me.
I saw people who were GIANTS in the faith. They prayed for hours each week. They had deep, consistent time studying God’s Word. They appeared to be the favored children in God’s family…and then there was me. I fell asleep when I prayed. I could only manage regular Bible reading when I was running the hair dryer each morning—if I was lucky. I desperately wanted to measure up to the outward standards of “holiness” so that maybe the inside of me would catch up.
Then it happened…some of these “giants” fell. They fell hard. I began to question everything I had been taught. Those questions unlocked the secrets I had been looking for. As years of religious traditions slowly fell away, they were replaced with God’s truth.
God doesn’t want my long prayers or my pious devotion to early morning Bible studies. He doesn’t need me to have all the right answers. He doesn’t need another well-meaning Pharisee.
HE. JUST. WANTS. ME.
He wants the “me” He created. He wants the “me” who falls asleep mid-prayer. He wants the “me” who still reads the Bible while the hair dryer is running. He wants the “me” who struggles with my temper when the kids don’t obey. He wants the “me” who yelled at Him when I didn’t understand why my husband was diagnosed with brain cancer. He wants the “me” who was terrified of spending my future alone. He wants the “me” who barely put one foot in front of the other on those rough days following my husband’s brain surgery.
When I give him the real “me”, the Father takes all the brokenness and fills it with His love and His goodness. When I stop trying to be a “giant”, He molds me into His image. When I am real with Him, He reveals Himself.
I no longer feel like God’s peon, but I no longer feel the need to be His giant, either. He has loved me where I am, no matter how I have failed Him. He meets me in the mud where I have fallen, and He gently lifts my face, brushing away the dirt and tears. His love is enough. He never once cared about anyone’s pious exterior. He simply wants us to crawl up into His arms and call Him “Daddy”…mud and all.
“I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4