In the big scheme of things—it was a day in the life of a child of the King; a day filled with joy and ending with a peaceful reflection that was filled with gratitude.
Many days I fail to live in the fullness of my birthright. Instead of living day by day and moment by moment remembering who I am and whose I am—I fall into the trappings of my own flesh and focus on the shortcomings and failures that put me in the center of my thinking…making it impossible for me to keep my mind and heart on the workings of my Father, God.
As God made me more aware of this theme, it became a source of uneasiness and shame for me because I was keenly aware that in this area I was constantly getting in my own way. Not really knowing what to do to change this—I started seeking out those people who in my eyes had always been spiritual giants. Not really having an expectation of what the journey or goal looked like—just seeking to look more like Jesus by placing those people around me that looked like Him in my own life.
I began to let go of the possibility of rejection and instead told myself that every person I sought to spend time with, ask questions of and desired to understand their relationship with Jesus; already had a full life that they were already living.
As I had previously been living a life of fear and reaction to those around me, I never really had even given thought to the possibility that anyone would want to journey life with me. To ease the pain of the disappointment that I thought was inevitable, I even got to the place of telling myself that no one was going to want to have me enter into life with them because I had nothing to give and everything to gain from relationship with them. My own shame of that realization, kept me from thinking I was ever going to be good enough to rub shoulders with those spiritual giants around me.
Since February of 2012, I was given a daily example of someone who was unafraid of doing the hard things. Each moment stepping into situations that called her to be a bold and beautiful example of strength and courage. As I began to see someone whose life was permeated with godly love and teaching, I also was given a living example of someone who lived a life of expectation that God would not only show up—He would do so in abundance.
I pressed into her constantly and being that I didn’t know how to live a healthy and right life—I did so in the only ways that I knew and often hurt this living example of love, making me angry at myself for always messing up. Not having the words to express that anger and give voice to the disappointment…all those negative emotions and reactions were only seen as directed at her, causing much distance and pain in a relationship I desperately desired.
I’ve learned a lot in my failures, rejections and mess ups. In this instance I was given a great example of boldness and expectation that fascinated me. By the example lived in front of me, I learned that God wants astonishingly more for me than I could ever imagine, all I have to do is be bold enough to ask for it—and be willing to step through to the places I have never been in order to gain the blessings and favor God intends for me.
I get to sit in a place of intimacy with people that I never thought I would have the honor of asking questions of, never mind enjoying life with—and it is a fantastic place to be.
Be bold and courageous.
Joshua 1:9 I’ve commanded you, haven’t I? Be strong and courageous. Don’t be fearful or discouraged, because the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Be vulnerable and authentic.
Psalm 138:3 On the day I called, You answered me; You made me bold with strength in my soul.
Trust where God leads–there is truly abundance in His presence.
James 1:6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.