“Blessed are the peacemakers…” Matt 5:9
God wants us to get along with others as best we can to preserve peace.
So what does that look like in marriage? What specifically can a wife do to be a ‘peacemaker‘?
8 Ways a Wife Can Be a Peacemaker:
1) Bite her tongue: Remember in James 3 where we’re told to ‘tame our tongue’? We must think before we speak, be self-controlled rather than spouting off whatever comes to mind. Just think back to what we learned when we were preschoolers: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
2) Refuse to nag: We women tend to remind our men of the things that need to be done, but in all honesty, that is our flesh working against us. The truth is, they don’t need to be reminded; their priorities are just different than ours, and that’s okay. If something absolutely needs to be done, we can explain in a loving manner why we need it done in our time-frame.
3) Give him space: Difficult issues must be addressed, but we can be selective and choose the right moment to approach our man. If he’s had a bad day, don’t bring him another problem until he’s had time to unwind and regroup. He’ll respond better when he feels better.
4) Control tone: When we do need to speak with our man about something that may cause a negative reaction, we must be respectful at all times and remember: a soft answer turns away wrath, and a harsh word stirs up anger. (Prov 15:1)
5) Control body language: Our expressions give away our true feelings. If we use a kind words and tone but we’re scowling, our man will focus on the attitude and miss the point. We must force our body to relax and be still. Remember: a calm, soft demeanor is beautiful and inviting. We don’t want to put him off – we want to encourage him to listen.
6) Be willing to compromise: While we should strive to be united as much as possible, conflict will arise. We can’t be hard-nosed and demanding. We can meet our husband halfway. Make every effort to live peaceably (Rom12:18) and find a way to “agree to disagree.”
7) Be quick to apologize: Does it really matter in the end who is right or wrong? If we know we’ve offended someone, we’re told to seek reconciliation. (Matt 5:23-25) When we mess up and behave inappropriately, we must approach our husbands with godly sorrow.
8) Be quick to forgive: Harboring bitterness is wrong. The Bible says if we have anything against anyone, we must forgive them (Mark 11:25). And if we refuse to forgive, God won’t forgive us (Matt 6:15). Sometimes husbands make mistakes and sometimes they hurt us. We must let it go as soon as possible so we don’t miss out on a blessing.
Ultimately, promoting peace comes down to our emotions. No matter what we’re feeling in the moment, we must behave in a way to bring honor to God. And that means we have to put our husbands–and a peaceful home–first.
We can’t always have it our way, so for the sake of peace, let’s choose to die to self. It doesn’t matter what kind of day you’ve had, how physically ill or drained you are, how much he has mistreated you.
Be a peacemaker, and God will bless you.
“… in humility, value others above yourself.” Philippians 2:13 NIV
(This post first appeared on realchristianwives.com)
*Previously posted March 2016
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