Marriage Communication Skills: Darts Vs. Clubs

Jen CudmoreMarriageLeave a Comment

I’m learning to throw darts at my husband. 

Yup, you heard me right. Darts. And it takes a lot of practice to hit the target every time. 

Let’s face it: sometimes men don’t get us. They can’t read our minds, and they can’t take a hint. And sometimes, they make mistakes.

As a life partner, wives will have to properly deal with these deficiencies. That’s what darts are for.

I’m not recommending a set of darts in the physical sense. I’m recommending a change in how we approach our husbands when we need to speak with them about important issues. 

How do you speak to your man? Do you smash him with clubs, or do you influence him with darts?

Several months ago a close friend recommended I listen to a lesson presented by a Catholic Priest to group of wives at a retreat. The topic: Understanding Your Man.

He discussed how men and women think differently, and how many men tend to be a little slow at processing the needs of their wives. Counselors and therapists agree that because men are not as verbal, they don’t stay focused on long conversations nearly as much as women.

That means, wives, that we don’t have a lot of time to make our point. We need to speak to our husbands using the darts of truth, rather than the clubs of condemnation. Then we walk away and let them ponder our words.

So, when our man does something insensitive, we have three options. 

1) We can choose to ignore it and give him grace. Ignoring the bad behavior does not mean we sit and stew over his mistakes – that is not an option God approves of. We simply let it go.

2) We can club him over the head with an intense verbal discussion, which often leads to a full-on assault, with the use of a sharp or loud tone and lots of emotion.

3) We can keep our emotions in check and calmly toss a communication dart of truth at him. Just a sentence or two. Precise. Specific. Quick.  

The Bible tells us in Proverbs 15:1 that “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Wives are instructed to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33). We do that skillfully with darts. They are stealthy, and the pain is minimal and temporary – no lasting damage.

Verbal clubs produce a lot of harm. The impact is destructive, leaving a huge mark for all to see, and causing disunity in the marriage. We don’t want to injure our men. We can’t demean them or start an argument. Our goal is to promote peace and unity in our homes. 

I haven’t mastered the art of dart-throwing yet. But I intend to keep practicing.

How about you? Does your marriage need a little less club-wielding and a little more dart-tossing?

Blessings, Jen

About Jen Cudmore

I’m a wife, mom, blogger and novelist who also works a day job in the medical field. I grew up on the Columbia River Gorge, earned a BA in Psychology at Northwest University, and am currently very active in my church. My passion is inspiring women to seek Jesus in all aspects of life so they can recognize where they are living in bondage and be set free to live the abundant life God promises. You can connect with me at

Leave a Reply