When Needs Are Not Met In Marriage

Jen CudmoreMarriageLeave a Comment

“But my needs are not being met.” 

I never thought I’d be one to use that phrase.

And yet I reached a point in my marriage where I felt abandoned. From my perspective, my husband was not doing what I believed he should be doing for me.

Then I learned a new concept. I wasn’t supposed to be going to my husband to meet my needs. Yes, he has a responsibility to me, but it’s not his job to make me feel secure and complete.  

God showed me that husbands were not designed to take care of all their wife’s needs.

We’re supposed to let God meet our needs. 

As a consequence of the ‘Fall of humanity’ in Eden, women and men now tend to look to each other for fulfillment. Yet that was never God’s plan.

When I first talked to God about how empty I felt, how my husband wasn’t taking care of me the way I wanted him to, God’s first reassurance was that my needs are legitimate. God places those needs in every human being; they are not wrong.

He gave us needs, all of which were meant to point us to Him

  • The need to be noticed and accepted: God gets us; He totally understands, better than any human ever could. He knows all our thoughts, all our words before we speak. And yet He loves us unconditionally. He is always there, no matter how many mistakes we make. He pays attention to us at all times. 
  • The need for safety: Whether physically or emotionally, we all want to feel safe from danger. God may allow bad things to happen, but He always takes care of us. He provides shelter for us in times of trouble. He protects us more often than we realize. 
  • The need for security: The unknown can be difficult to handle, yet God said we can trust Him to provide for us, whether it be food on our table, transportation to work, school supplies each fall, or something less tangible, like the stability of family or a steady income.
  • The need for affection: God loves us so much, He gave up His own son for us. He tells us every day, through His creation, or relationships with people, or with little blessings of circumstances. My friend likes to say that God gives us ‘kisses on the cheek’ all the time; we just don’t notice.
  • The need for affirmation: Who doesn’t love a good compliment? God values us more than any human could. He cares about us so much that he collects our tears when we cry and counts the hairs on our heads. He tells us often how much He cares about us, if we would but open His Word.

We have to get our focus off what we think our spouse should be doing for us and turn to God to fulfill us. He said He would supply our needs – and He didn’t just mean our physical needs for food, clothes, and shelter.

We all want our husbands to pay attention to us, to really know us and accept us for who we are.
We want them to provide safety and security for our bodies and hearts. 
We want them to shower us with hugs, kisses, caresses and snuggles. 
We want them to tell us how wonderful we are and how they can’t live without us. 

That’s what God does for us. 

Psalm 139 tells us that He put effort into how He created each of us. He knows us, protects us, and values us.

Do you trust God to take care of you, when you feel your needs are not met?


Blessings, Jen

About Jen Cudmore

I’m a wife, mom, blogger and novelist who also works a day job in the medical field. I grew up on the Columbia River Gorge, earned a BA in Psychology at Northwest University, and am currently very active in my church. My passion is inspiring women to seek Jesus in all aspects of life so they can recognize where they are living in bondage and be set free to live the abundant life God promises. You can connect with me at www.jencudmore.com.

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