More of Mondays Gone By…

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“Oh Lord, my God – how grateful is this servant that comes boldly before your throne of grace.  That in your mercy You would seek one such as I to save me from that which had disguised itself as my friend.  Wrapped in unfeeling darkness, sinking ever deeper into despair – You Oh, Lord rescued me! You alone conquered all that would have certainly destroyed me – and You pursued me until You could make me see.  Thank you Jesus for your persistence, patience, faithfulness, kindness, love.  I am so ever grateful.  I love, you. Amen.”
“Thomas said, ‘…how can we know the way?’ Jesus answered, ‘I AM the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  No man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” (John 14:5,6)
There were many days I knew not the way to go. Thrust into darkness and trapped in circumstances beyond my control – I all but suffocated in the well of despair.  I DO know what darkness looks like, feels like, sounds like – how thick, menacing, depraved, calculating, heavy, and tense it is.  I have looked evil in the eye as it has whispered its filthy lies; cackling, plotting, mocking life. I have curled up  and been screamed at by demons – both as the victim – hopeless – and the perpetrator – guilty. I have been to the places of darkness cloaked in laughter and raucous behavior;  perspectives warped by drugs, alcohol, and immorality – all promising regretless fun but delivering sorrow in its stead. “This” way  seemed harmless, controllable at the onset.  But one choice after another and the snare of the downward spiral leads to a life of lies, regrets, and chaos. A false sense of power seduces your psyche as you do what you “want” (will-to) – because you can. Holding on to your self-made image, fist doubled up, and as the thrill of rebellion wraps its way around your neck – you suddenly lose sight of who you are.  Where did I go? That person I thought I was…and the darkness deepens as the life choices you make become unrecognizable in your own eyes. Sin is never satiated – it nips at your heels, slowly deceiving you  – at one time you thought yourself the master – you soon discover you are its slave.  Your conscience dims as the breath of life is sucked from your soul by evil…
Such was my life – my truth.  I could see the darkness.  I REALLY was an outlaw.
I know what thoughts I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of good and not evil, to give you an expected end.” Jeremiah 29:11
God, had already gone before me.  He sent me someone who physically rescued me from the path of destruction.  He sent me a long-haired, leather wearing, motorcycle riding – straight from San Francisco – hippie! Transplanted to Alaska and “born to be wild” – God used this crazy guy to rescue me physically until He could rescue me spiritually.  We were married just after I turned 19. We lived in a trailer in Vagabond Trailer Park in Spenard right across from the Harley Shop.  No joke.  Many a nefarious activity took place in that trailer – we were still in the snare of wickedness.  One incident in particular catapulted me from thrill to fear…during a questionable “activity” a questionable young man came to our trailer.  He was wearing a long black leather coat with black leather pants, black boots, and a black shirt.  He had long black hair – and in the sleeve of his long black leather coat I could see the barrel of a long black gun…
I was in over my head… Fear took its place on the throne of my heart.  Not the fear of losing my life necessarily – it was the fear of not being able to manage the consequences of my choices and having NOWHERE to go and NO ONE to help me.
Did I mention I worked at “the bank?” Very white-collar. Very inconsistent with the kind of person I really was.
It was at the bank; on a sunny August day, God sent me another rescuer. I was 21 – she was a 15-year-old named Mary. A group of women were all discussing their belief in God.  I was silent, as I had no belief. I often felt unconnected to the rest of humanity – which would lead to an inward panic – which in turn would cause me to shut down emotionally.  During this slide into numbness, I felt Mary tap my forearm.  I looked at her with an absent sort of gaze and she asked,
“Patti, do you believe in Jesus?”  WHAT?? I had no idea what she was talking about. At all. She tapped my forearm again (rather annoying) – and this time asked,
“Patti, are you AFRAID of Jesus?” 
AFRAID? OF COURSE I WAS AFRAID!!! I was afraid of EVERYTHING!  I was afraid of living, I was afraid of dying, I was afraid of my parents,  I was afraid of being found out – what a loser I really was…I lived in fear of rejection, hopelessness, inadequacy, inescapable sadness, loneliness, darkness, poverty, loss. It was the GONG question of my life. Jesus knew it and sent me a little girl to make me face the slave-master of my life – FEAR.
Mary gave me a blue ticket that said “FREE – Come hear Josh McDowell…”
That Thursday evening I went. I heard Josh testify of how he had set out to disprove the Bible using history and archeology.  Instead, he discovered a mountain of evidence that did the opposite. He discovered the Truth of the Bible.  His name is Jesus. He is not an ideal.  He is a Person.  Jesus said of Himself, “I AM the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  No man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” Was He lying?  Is He a lunatic? Or is He the Lord?  You decide.  I did.
Was I the thief on the cross that accused Jesus “…If you are who you say you are, get yourself off this cross and get me down, too…” OR was I the thief that said…”Lord, remember me…” You line up behind one or the other…I did.

I had NO PROBLEM admitting I was a sinner. I believed He had to die for my sin – I surely could not pay the price of my sin myself – I was poor, wretched, naked, and blind. I had nothing to offer a Holy God.  Trust was another issue.  I did not know the meaning of the word.  But I did ask Jesus to come into my life – I was scared to death I would “do it” wrong…anyway – HE is the faithful ONE. And when I asked Him to save me – He did! 

“He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay and set me upon the Rock, and established my goings.”  Psalm 40:2

The Rock is not a movie star…The Rock is Jesus Christ, the Son of God, Creator, Redeemer, Savior of all mankind! 

I write this portion of the testimony of Christ – I am a witness to the great and glorious King – because this is the starting point for healing. 

No matter what your life has been – or how you got where you are – THE WAY out is through Jesus.  Jesus as your Savior. Accept what He said about Himself.  And what He said about YOU.

For by grace are ye saved through faith, it (all of ‘it’ – grace, faith salvation) is the gift of God; not of works, lest any man should boast.” Ephesians 2:8,9   Pray for faith.

“All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23  This is true.  Accept it.
“The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is ETERNAL LIFE THROUGH Jesus Christ, our Lord.” Romans 6:23  Bad consequence replaced by good consequence – by God.
“That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man beleieveth unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.” Romans 10:9,10   The only thing you can DO.
“For whosoever shall call upon the name of the LORD shall be saved.”  Romans 10:13  Whosoever” is another word for YOU.

Let the healing begin.

Love, Because of Him.


About Guest Blogger

One of a special number of beautiful women who write special guest posts! We are all Christ-lovers, moms, wives, and even some grandmothers!

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