Monday, March 16th, seems like a long time ago. In that blog, I said I would write of my journey from brokenness to health. Since then, my husband had a stroke. He is back at work now. The only residual effect of his near death experience is the mountain of mail we are receiving from Providence Hospital as they attempt to squeeze blood from our turnip…Needless to say, I missed writing the Monday he was in ICU. The subsequent weeks I have written, not from the past, but from the present as God intervened and extended the health and the life of my husband. Praise to the mighty King! I am so thankful!
It is time to pick up where I left off as I share the journey to health:
“Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the Lord.” Isaiah 54:1
As I mentioned in the blog on March 16th, the LORD gave me the entire chapter of Isaiah 54. I knew it was for me because every verse made perfect sense and literally jumped off the page at me.The “thing” with me and Scripture is that without it, I am confused by my own thoughts, past hurts, self-loathings, doubts, fears, lonliness, etc. I referred to a broken mind in one of my earlier blogs. I really did have a broken mind. And the only repair for my mind was, and is, Scripture.
I have two children. When my youngest was about 3 1/2, I miscarried. I do not pretend that I was awash in grief; but I wanted four children, and the loss ignited that desire even more. My husband felt our quiver was full and so I wrestled inside myself constantly as I could not have what I wanted. As my biological clock ticked away, my frustration gave way to acceptance and resignation. There were so many other issues in my life, I chose to not create a divide over that which I had no control. However, there was an inexplicable sorrow at what was never to be. And I did not know how to “think” ~ or how to come to terms with the disparity between what I “wanted” and what I had. Furthermore, I felt I had no “right” to be sad, or to want, or to cry, or even to feel anything at all.
But God knew EXACTLY what I needed…and 2750 years before I was born, He had Isaiah pen the very words He would use to give me hope…
“SING, O barren…” Yes, I DID have two children. But I still felt “barren.” Perhaps it was due to the miscarriage, perhaps it was due to what I had always envisioned “would be” for me in my life. Probably both – either way, God, in that verse gave me instruction to “SING.” He gave me permission to “CRY ALOUD” – He ACKNOWLEDGED that I did feel barren, that I did feel desolate, empty and alone. AND He gave me a promise that somehow I would have MORE children. How this was to come about was yet to be seen. But that first verse drew me in and gave me hope. It was as though God KNEW EXACTLY how I felt…imagine that!!
Are you struggling with your life as it unfolds and brings you circumstances and challenges you never thought you would face? Are your plans for your life NOT coming to pass? Do you find yourself unbearably alone and unheard – “desolate” in your soul? Are you confused as to HOW to handle your emotions? May I suggest that you READ your Bible. If you do not know where to start, start in Psalms. Read it every day. I promise you ~ there will come a moment when suddenly it will be as though God is talking right to you. The Words (of God) will define your circumstances. They will acknowledge your pain. It will be as though God had those exact words written just for you. And you know what? He did.
Take courage, my friend. Your God wrote you a love letter. He knows EXACTLY what you are going through and He wants to show you how to handle it. He wrote it down just for you. Read it to receive it.
The pages of Scripture are where “…the healing begins…”
Because of Him,